Monday, April 28, 2014

I Choose the Roller-coaster

It's difficult for me to say the words "I'm a champion" out loud. The mental image I get is one of a winner, an athlete, one who has won first place in a contest. I am 30 and the only trophy I have is from Dance and Twirl when I was 7 years old. Everyone got one. All you had to do was show up. 

But this definition is different. I CAN see the champion that I am for others. I've always seen the potential in others, probably [pretty much always] before I see it in myself. I will remove all of the barriers for them. I will lay out a red carpet for them. I will give them tools. I will give support, encouragement and an open door policy. I will do everything but act for them (which I have done in the past to some degree and I since have learned not to) and still, they don't always want it. In fact, 70% of the time they don't want it. They don't see it for themselves or maybe they have their own insecurities to work through or timing isn't right, or...maybe I was wrong.  But I keep on believing for them and the next time something comes up that I think will change their life, I'm right there, back on the roller-coaster as cheerleader, problem-solver, arranger, encourager and advocate. 

With that said, I have a love/hate relationship with the roller-coaster. It's one of those high risk/greater reward type things. I'm not a risk-taker by nature. I play it safe for the most part. The biggest risk I've ever taken is getting into a business where my job is to be an advocate for people in the areas of health and finances - something I love, something I'm good at, but also something that can take me super HIGH when I help someone win in life, but also can [if I let it] take me super LOW when I have vision for someone that they can't see.  It's an AMAZING feeling helping someone win though! And oftentimes, I will forget about all of the little mini struggles that I've had along the way because all that matters is that they are better off now than when we first started. They have better health or much-needed money in their pocket - either way, I have delivered on providing hope and peace. 

I have learned that I can't make anyone do anything, no matter how much I want to and no matter how much better I believe their life will be. 

I have learned that people are messy. They have their own filters. They have areas that, just like me, they aren't transparent in. 

I have learned that the highlight reel I view on various social media outlets doesn't even come close to a person's day-to-day reality.  <--- Therefore, I've learned not to compare my life to others, based on said highlight reel [because that is SUPER easy to slip into!]. One minute I'm fine, then I see this person has bought a house, this person's pregnant again, this person is on vacation AGAIN, this person got a new car, this person has "the life I want" - and suddenly, my life isn't good enough, I haven't accomplished enough, and I'm depressed because my car is old, I rent, I don't travel and I'm childless. I get into "when is it MY turn" mode and the roller coaster goes doooooooooowwwwnnnnnn. And I scream [on the inside]. I exaggerate...sort of. Well I don't do this everyday, if that makes a difference. 

It's hard to be a champion for myself. It's so much easier to believe for someone else.  I've found that over the course of my life I have put myself permanently on the back burner. It's like I made a decision at some point that other people's happiness, potential and value were more important as a focus. It's easier to step up for other people's causes. I can go to work for someone else all day long. I WILL NOT fail them. But, for myself, if I hop on the roller coaster and I fail, that's a lonely drop, and let's face it, I will probably feel sick. And I may not hop back on again.  Any other failure-phobic people out there? I know that no one likes failure, but I will avoid it like the plague, and it usually looks like a really cute lie like, "Everything is fine. Life is comfortable enough. You don't need more money. People are difficult and they can help themselves. Just sit on your couch. You deserve a break. "

So how do I be a champion amidst that? To be honest, there are days that I give in to comfort. Other days, from my couch this is my intentional view. 

My vision board stares at me. I see the words "Debt Freedom" "Finish" "Peace of Mind" "She designed a life she loved" of the people I want quality time with, a debt payoff date that has "2014" at the end of it and it fires me up most days! It makes me realize that I DO HAVE A PURPOSE WORTH DEFENDING! I may not have arrived yet and there may be some bumps along the way to achieving goals, but if I don't get on the ride, it's not going to happen at all. Another year will pass and I will be in the same situation, with the same amount of debt, living in the same place, wishing I had gotten off of the couch. I like the way that she puts it in this clip from Parenthood (the movie). 

Live purposefully! Be a champion for yourself and others. It might be the more difficult ride, but it's the rewarding one and it sure as heck isn't boring. 

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