So remember that 30 day blog challenge I began a few weeks ago? Not so easy to continue without a laptop. If it were all typing and no pictures, it would be a bit easier seeing as how with the exception of pictures I've posted on facebook (which is a lot, its true) everything was on my brain-dead computer. Instead, its a mixture of the two, and due to this little perfectionist side I have, I gave up on it all together.
Does anyone else have this problem? I always thought that being a perfectionist meant that you want everything done perfectly, the majority of the time. Instead I've found over the years (and have been told) that perfectionism is closely linked with procrastination. Why? Because if you can't do it perfectly in every way, giving the project/task/BLOG everything you've got RIGHT NOW, you won't do it. Once I do get around to do it, usually when I'm in a time crunch and I have no other choice, I'm forced to work past the fact that I'm not really in the mood to be perfect and I get it done.
Unfortunately this applies to all areas of my life, work or play, as long as there is a task to be accomplished. If I want to make something/do something creative and my crafty area is a mess, I have to clean up the mess first. If I don't feel like I can clean the WHOLE area and be satisfied, I probably won't ever get around to being crafty. If I want to relax and out of the corner of my eye I see mail on the table, I can't just relax. Most likely I wouldn't be able to do anything about a bill on the table at 7pm, but I need to know if I have one that I haven't seen, which most likely will lead to me doing bill filing when really I should just be on the couch taking a chill pill.
When I was in high school and college, rarely did I ever complete (or start) a paper until the night before it was due. Most likely I would be up late into the wee hours of the morning doing it. Each and every time I would swear to myself that I wouldn't do it again, that it was too much stress and that I was way too tired and it wasn't worth it. Then I would get an A. I wouldn't learn, because the perfectionist side would say to me, "You did great! You don't need to start early! You can hit one out of the park even when you wait until the last minute!" And so it happened again and again.
One night in college, I thought it would finally be the night that broke me of the habit. My sister and I were taking the same Political Science course. She and I saved a couple bucks by sharing a book. She and I also share the perfectionist/procrastination gene. DUN DUN DUN.
Neither of us had hardly read the book and had a 10 page term paper due the next day. We traded the book back and forth all night long, highlighting our quotes for our papers. She was on the computer in the living room, I on the dinosaur in the bedroom, both of us staying awake with countless cups of hot Quik. The extra sugar didn't help past 4am apparently because at one point, I passed out, which I only know because I woke up with my head face down on the desk, paper wrinkles on my forehead.
I went to the kitchen, got some more Quik even though the thought of more made me feel sick to my stomach, and plugged away at a paper that I literally thought would be gibberish and my teacher, for once in my life, would expose me for the A student fraud that I was. For once I thought, "Who do I think I am, trying to get away with this???" I proof read it...it seemed fine...it sounded good enough, because it would have to be. We finished in time to shower and rush over to class. When I got my paper back the next week, I tried not to cringe as I flipped through the pages, and on the last page in red I saw an "A" and he wrote "You're a great writer! Good job!"
So....I still have never learned.
I think the only exception is bills, because its a recurring task, that I at least have to worry about on a bi-weekly basis. The perfectionist and nerd is strong enough in that area, due to multiple due dates that I can't just shove aside and wait on. I have my excel spreadsheet, and I'm trying to rock it Dave Ramsey Financial Peace style, because the ultimate goal is to pay down and pay off debt - which I'm pretty rabid about these days. Which was another reason why the whole laptop hard drive death kind of through me for a loop. I had to rebuild my February budget on another computer and it irritated me every second until it was done, because I had to try to repeat a whole process that I had already gone through (and yet, honestly, the nerd in me enjoyed every bit of it).
I'm really trying not to think about pictures, videos, music and other files right now that I may not be able to get back. Thank God for facebook housing so many of my pictures, and that I backed up a lot a year ago. But just thinking about everything from the past year that I may have lost makes me pretty sad. It was a big year! I got engaged, got a puppy, got married, had a few holidays, vacations....please GOD help that IT man recover my memories!
As far as the 30 day challenge goes. I think I got the point of it, so I may just do some when I like the subject, but I think I'll take it from here. I've got enough words to go it alone I think. =)
